Tag Archives: sad

if i didn’t hate taylor swift so much i could use almost any of her song titles as the title for this post

1 Jul

I feel like I’m someone who writes very candidly about most topics. I love expressing my opinion and providing commentary on almost all subjects, so I usually don’t have trouble just sitting and writing. One topic I don’t really delve into, however, is relationships. This is because I have been out of the relationship-game for so long, I couldn’t even remember what anything involved in being one felt like and had nowhere to begin writing about them because of that.

However, I recently ventured back into the relationship world (albeit for a brief period of time), and now I can think of almost nothing else because the emotions I’m feeling are so unfamiliar to me now. I’ve been broken up with in the past, but it’s been so long and so distanced from who I am as a person now that I can only take cues from others on how I’m supposed to feel. I’m currently going through a breakup and the emotions are overwhelming. For a while, I actually was convinced I was a robot and had no feelings, but this experience has shown me that’s absolutely not true, and whereas before I was concerned that I didn’t have normal emotions, now I wish for nothing other than shutting them off.

I have no idea how someone is supposed to act during a breakup. I’ve seen my friends go through them often and always wonder when they know they’re okay. As I said, I’ve been broken up with before, but none of these feelings are familiar with me now. I’ve been the friend who sits and wonders why their friend can’t stop talking about their ex. I’ve sat and criticized the guys my friends dated and how crazy my friends seemed to be acting, but that’s only because from the outside, it’s so easy to judge others and tell them to move on. From the inside, all I know that all I can do is talk about the past because it’ all I can think about. And I’ve gotten to the point where I am making myself sick talking so much about it, but there’s literally nothing else I can think to discuss. It makes me really upset with myself that I’ve become this person, but there’s nothing I can do to get myself out of it. Everything reminds me of him, I can’t separate the good times from the not so good times because all I can think about is what I’m missing, not what I’ve gotten away from. All I have is my memories and he’s a memory to me now and it just doesn’t make any sense. You don’t just fall out of love because your love has walked away, and that’s the hardest thing to work through.

I don’t understand what the correct mourning period is for a relationship. I will always remember that on “Sex and the City”, Charlotte once said she heard the time it takes to get over a relationship is half the course that it ran. I really hope that’s true, because I can’t imagine going on too much longer living day by day the way I’ve been feeling. And mourning is absolutely the accurate term to describe how it feels getting over a relationship. It feels like someone has gone and left you forever and that’s it. It’s unpleasant, to say the least. What’s worse is that I attempted to get some answers and find some closure, but all I learned in my attempt was that closure doesn’t exist. I’m never going to feel better with him breaking up with me. It happened and I didn’t want it to. That’s all there is to it, and it’s discouraging.

I think because I’ve been out of the relationship world for so long, I can only grasp a concept of how to deal from television. It’s not helpful by any means, since tv shows are either completely fabricated or only slightly based on real life, and everything is cut short and abridged. It seems like people get over their exes in the snap of a finger, when really, the editors just made it look that way. Based on how I feel, I can only imagine what everyone else is going through, especially those whose relationships have spanned much longer than mine. Looking back, my relationship was basically the blink of an eye. The months we spent together flew by and now that I just want to fast forward to when I’ll feel like myself again, time could not be moving any slower. Because ultimately, that’s my real goal: I just want to feel like myself again. I know it takes time, but that’s easier to accept as a concept than to really believe. I’m at the point where I don’t know what I believe anymore and I just wish I could nap and wake up and be me again.

Life’s hard. I don’t have a helmet.
I find that referencing “Boy Meets World” always helps get me through the sleepless nights.

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flunkerton

30 Jul

So, as we’re all well aware, I was having slight mental problems earlier because I was too emotional about leaving my family in Maine. What I find interesting is that I thought it would take me a few days – one or two good days – back in the city before feeling back to myself and forgetting how upset I was coming back. However, the second I stepped off of the train and into Penn Station, I automatically felt back to myself and everything felt natural. Sure, I still wish I could have gotten the full week off (or at least one more day), but everything that was filling my mind earlier, all of the negativity and sadness, flew to the background and out of my head. I’m already back to normal, pretty much. I’m kind of overwhelmed by how quickly it happened, and I think I have to be grateful for that. Also, I see that as a good sign that New York is the right fit for me.

Funny how things happen, huh guyz?

thank goodness i bought welch’s fruit snacks before getting on the train

29 Jul

I’m really emotional right now, so forgive me for these posts. But there was a time during freshman year of college that I was miserable. First semester ended and I went home for Christmas and I had an amazing break. When I got back to school, I was tempted to transfer somewhere in Boston so I could be closer to my family again. I was looking into applications and asking for recommendations from old teachers; I was determined to transfer. I liked UMass Amherst a lot and really liked all of my new friends, but at that moment, nothing compared to what I left behind.

I spent the better part of a week searching for somewhere else to go to school. And then I had one really good weekend with all of the new people I’d met and they made me forget my sadness and how upset I was and determined to leave and go back to what I had before. After that, I never looked back and I could never be more grateful that I stayed at UMass.

That’s pretty much what’s happening to me right now. I’m not regretting my decision to move to New York, but I’m thinking about going to work tomorrow and seeing all of the new people I’ve met and doing the new work I’m assigned, and it’s not making me feel good. I keep comparing it to being with my family and the people who already know me so well. I’m not thinking about moving home, but I’m feeling a sense of anxiety.

But I have to remember that this will pass. It was my first time home since moving, it was an amazing trip, and it ended too soon. I need to remind myself that I was unhappy at home more often than not and that if I were to be there again, at least at this point in my life, I wouldn’t be happy. I just need a few days back in New York, seeing my friends, enjoying myself, to be okay again. This feeling will pass. And I have to remember that if I had left UMass, I would have never lived in London and met the people I met and had the incredible experiences I did. Because up until this moment, I’ve been nothing but happy in New York. And I know that I’ll be fine.

Sitting in silence really does terrible things to one’s mind. I still don’t have headphones and I decided to listen to my tv shows anyway, but iTunes only let’s you do that full screen. And I can’t be having “Friends” full screen right now.

i forgot headphones so i’m sitting in silence and it’s deafening

29 Jul

I’m on the Amtrak headed back to New York. I was just in Maine for the weekend, and I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness having to leave York Beach so soon. I was only there from Saturday til this afternoon, and it wasn’t enough. It’s never really enough. I’m used to going for the entire week, spending all the time in the world with my family and then heading back to Massachusetts. But this time, I didn’t have that option. I don’t care about not heading back to Massachusetts (I actually had to do that because I took the Amtrak out of Boston), but I hate the fact that I couldn’t stay the entire week. In all honesty, I usually want to strangle at least a few of my family members by the end of our week-long vacation. I usually want to strangle them about two days in. But this trip was so different. I’m not surrounded by my family at all times anymore, so I had an extra sense of excitement about seeing them. I’ve really genuinely missed all of them and didn’t even realize it because I’m so distracted in New York. Thank God I’m distracted in New York, really. This is the first time I’ve felt homesickness since moving and it’s not even really for home, it’s for our little vacation getaway (I just lied, I feel London-sickness on a consistent basis and it’s mentally draining).

I genuinely enjoyed being with everyone and joking around, hearing them all talk. I miss that. I’m sad right now. I’m sitting on the train and I want to cry because I had to leave them. I’m never the one who has to leave them. I’ve been the one who’s wanted to leave them a little earlier, but never did. Trust me, I’ve rushed out of York before. But I really hate that I had to this year.

I didn’t think I’d cry when I was leaving. I was wondering if it would feel weird going home after moving, like the first time it did once I came back for a weekend freshman year of college. But really, driving through Watertown felt exactly the same as it always has, nothing felt different. I felt like I lived there again. Because despite not having a bed at my house anymore, I’m more than used to sleeping on the couch. Being there felt natural. But I’ve never gone to York for such a short time when everyone else got to stay and enjoy themselves and then have the sense that I was not going to see them again for a month. That’s what’s hitting me hardest. So I ended up crying when I was hugging my mother goodbye and almost crying again several times. I thought it would be easier for me now, but I guess I was wrong. I know it’ll get easier. But I thought I’d be used to it from college and studying abroad. But here I am, two hours away from New York, wishing I was back at the beach.

Growing up sucks balls.

a moment on the lips…and you know the rest

19 Apr

I’ve written before on here that I work for Weight Watchers. What a lot of people don’t tend to realize is that to work for Weight Watchers, you need to be a lifetime member of the program. This means that you need to have hit your goal weight and remained in your goal range in order to work for the company. People who come into the stores or see me working at the weigh-in stations tend to not realize that you need to have done the program and lost weight to work for the company, and they always seem to assume that I’ve lost 20 pounds at most, despite the fact that I wear a nametag that says “Weight Watchers, Alaina, I lost 66 pounds in 2008”. I guess people don’t read nametags anymore (folks nowadays, huh?) or are just more for jumping to conclusions or assumptions about people, but we pretty much lay it right out there for all members to see that we have been through the program, are on the program, and we know what they’re going through. Everyone who works for the company has been where the members have been and we are still dealing with our own weight loss battles, despite our successes.

So I lost my weight in 2008, but my weight loss journey began far before then. I’ve never actually written anything about losing my weight, but I feel the desire to now for some reason. I might as well share my story since I’m constantly grasping for topics to write posts about. So congratulations, (imaginary) reader! You get to read my story, whether you want to or not (don’t you DARE go to a different website, you hear me?)!

As I said, my journey began before 2008, probably about 10 years before. The first time I thought to myself that I needed to go on a diet was when I was eight years old. I had started gaining weight and I decided that I should do something about it. I didn’t tell my mother I thought I needed to go on a diet, I just tried to eat more fruit pretty much. That’s what television taught me a diet was: eating fruit. But, I was eight. When you’re eight, you’re usually not as much in control of what you eat as you’d like to be. And also, what an eight year old would like to eat is probably lots of ice cream. So I was already getting that. Also, most members of my family have struggled with weight problems throughout their lives, so we really weren’t the best support system for one another in terms of trying to lose weight and learn to live a healthy lifestyle. My main point here is that what bothers me is the fact that I was eight years old and I thought I was fat. At the time I obviously didn’t think much of it, but looking back, it’s so sad to me that I was thinking that way about myself. I think that part of this realization came from secretly knowing that I could never own a life-size Barbie because the commercials advertised the owner of the Barbie sharing clothes with her, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that because I would be too big. Just add that to the list of what’s wrong with Barbie and our society (more like what isn’t wrong with Barbie, amirite?).

All through middle and high school, I struggled with my weight. I always felt like I was the heaviest of all of my friends. On top of this, I hang out with a lot of small and short people, so I felt like a monster in comparison. I just never felt like I was cute or looked good like my other friends did. I don’t know if my friends felt cute, they probably didn’t because middle school is like walking slowly through hell while being whipped and having your braces mercilessly tightened consistently for three years, but I thought that my friends all looked cute and wore cute clothes. Boys liked my friends. Boys did not like me (not much has changed except that now, no one likes me). As I got older I learned that this wasn’t the end all of life, but it was fucking middle school. As I said, three years of walking through hell slowly. Seemingly no end in sight. Of course then I thought life was miserable because boys didn’t like me. If “Lizzie McGuire” had taught me anything, it was to be as cute and adorable as possible to win over your crush. I was neither cute nor adorable. I eventually learned after a few years to use my personality to charm (hence why I’m the uproarious person you see in front of you today), but for the most part I feel like I was pretty unpleasant and as I have stated, I felt like a monster.

Once, I was considering performing in a talent show with some of the other girls in my grade, and I went to a friend’s house to figure out outfits to wear. The girls decided they wanted to wear halter tops, which I did not own because I tried to avoid showing off my arms and rest of body at all costs when I was in middle school and then for pretty much all of high school and into college for a while. I wore floor length dusters when one should never wear a floor length duster (i.e. never. You should never wear a floor length duster). My friend told me I could borrow one of hers, but it was a bit tight on me. By “a bit tight”, I mean it flat out didn’t fit me. As a side note, I was never imagining that I was heavier than my friends. I physically always had been from 8 years old on. Anyway, we decided we should saran wrap my stomach to try to hold it in. And then we did that. We actually practiced wrapping saran wrap around my stomach to try to flatten it. Nothing went as planned and I ended up not being in the talent show (but come to think of it, I feel like the talent show itself was canceled or something. I don’t think I formally just quit the group because I felt too uncomfortable. Probably for the best if it was canceled, no one needs to see middle schoolers doing poorly choreographed dances), and although my friend wasn’t making fun of me for being heavier, it was the first time someone really noticed my weight problem and acknowledged aloud to me that I was heavier (see, I told you I wasn’t imagining it). It’s one thing to know that yourself, but really another thing for someone to point it out to you, despite how innocently they may be doing so.

But, that was really all there was in my life having to do with other people being a negative factor in my own thinking that I was fat. When most people talk about their weight loss journeys, they mention being teased about their weight throughout their k-12 years. I thankfully never had many experiences with that, aside from one or two encounters (one of these times being when a boy told me and my friend that we were the “fat sisters who looked alike” or something to that nature. It was very clever of him. The second experience was my grandfather lovingly telling me that I would get a boyfriend if I lost weight. I brushed it off as him being an old man); my low-blows came more from what I knew or thought I couldn’t do due to my size rather than from anyone actually pointing it out.

The fat-shaming came from not being able to shop at the same trendy stores as my friends because of my size, or because the store’s twisted version of my size was majorly skewed (I’m referring to the store Limited Too, mostly. I never even bothered stepping foot in there because I didn’t even want to bother trying on clothes and bringing down my self-esteem more).

It came in the form of not being able to understand what feeling satisfied from eating was, because I was constantly shoving food in my mouth as a way to handle all feelings, so I only knew what feeling sick to my stomach was. It came from not being able to adequately deal with my feelings because I was taught and thought for far too long in my life that food was the solution to every single emotion.

It was not being able to run the mile in gym at a normal time because of my asthma, which I still have regardless of my size, but I know was horribly worse when I was heavier. It was knowing I would never feel comfortable in dance costumes because I’d have to add on straps or extra material, and then the proceeding feelings of dread over having to wear them in front of other people at recitals because dance costumes, while usually unflattering regardless of size, happened to look even worse on my lumpy and uneven body.

It was always just the little things that no one would think to consider a source of what was bringing me down. Yes, negativity came from the outside world and outside factors. Obviously the media shows us what we should look like, that especially being true for women (from birth until death we’re taught how we should look a certain way), but it was really from taking what was fed to me from outside sources and how I chose to eat up and interpret them in my own way. People didn’t come up to me and tell me I was fat; I already knew from what I couldn’t do that I was fat. And I hate using the word fat because it just sounds so ugly, but when you’re at that point and you feel that way, it’s really the only way to describe how you perceive yourself. But, my point is that while all of the outside factors surrounding me were telling me to look and be a certain way, my unhappiness with my weight was ultimately on me.

So, when my mother asked me if I wanted to join Weight Watchers with her, I was at the point where I didn’t even hesitate to say “yes”. I needed to for me, because I was so fed up with myself, I was at my heaviest weight, and I just did not feel good about myself in the slightest. Weight Watchers taught me portion control and how to make smarter eating choices. I joined the program right before my senior year of high school and lost the weight through that year and the beginning of freshman year of college, and I think that was the best time for me to ever join. I can’t even think of how different my college experience would have been if I hadn’t lost the weight and had an understanding of how to eat while I was in school.

But, I have to stress that I didn’t automatically feel a huge boost of confidence because I lost weight. I felt better about myself, but I was still at the point of comparing myself to other women around me, because that’s what I’d been doing to myself my whole life. And I still do it now; I think it’s impossible to not compare yourself to other people at least every once in a while. But, I do feel like I was more outgoing once I got to college because I was at least happier with myself. I was happy that I had lost the weight, but I was also really proud of myself for doing so. I lost 66.6 pounds in total, and it still makes me happy to think about that fact that I accomplished that because it really has helped shape me into the person I am today. My mother always says that she thinks joining Weight Watchers was the best thing we’ve ever done together, and I am prone to agree with her. I don’t know where I’d be today if I hadn’t joined the program. I don’t know how I’d look, or more importantly, how’d I’d feel currently. Because while we all want to look good, I really did learn that how you feel about yourself is really most important. It sounds like such a simple lesson, but getting yourself to the point where you’re not horrified and angry with yourself all the time is really more difficult to do than some people understand. I still struggle with not getting mad at myself about certain choices I make, but at least I can say it’s not on a consistent daily basis anymore, and more often than not, I at least still feel healthy, or I know what to do to get myself back to feeling healthy. I’m learning (slowly) to accept my body for what it is, despite the flaws I know I still have. I’ve put a lot of work into doing that and perceiving myself more positively, and no one can take it away from me.

And thus ends the “positive” Alaina post of the week. As I always say, at least no one reads this blog. It might take away my cynical, pessimistic, cool kid edge if someone were to read such positivity coming from me. This stays between us. Just me and nobody.

“look for the helpers. you will always find people who are helping”

19 Apr

Due to the horrific events that occurred at the Boston Marathon this past Monday, April 15, I feel obligated to at least comment on it in some way, no matter how small that way might be. I was in Watertown on the day of the marathon, but my friends and I had considered, albeit briefly, going into Boston to celebrate having the day off. When we heard the news of the explosions going off, I feel that there was a shared sense of not knowing how to comprehend, react, or take in and process what we had heard. I for one didn’t even think of the fact that there was a bombing when my friend first read the news, I think I just skipped over what she said before really thinking about the words that had come out of her mouth.

There was a sense of panic for a little while as I ran through my brain who I might know that could possibly have been at the marathon. Some of my cousins had gone to the Red Sox game that day and it had ended before the marathon, so I was nervous they had gone over to watch the runners. Thankfully, they were a mile away when the explosions went off. And then I remembered that the woman I babysit for was actually running in the marathon, but again, thankfully, she had already left the scene. She told me that she had actually finished the marathon fifteen minutes before the first explosion occurred, and I couldn’t help but think how horrible it would have been if she had taken longer to cross the finish line. I’m an agnostic, but in these moments, I threw out any disbelief I may have had and I was thanking God that no one I knew of (at least at the time, I was still thinking of who I might know from UMass that could be at the marathon, since a lot of people who go to UMass are from the Boston area) was injured.

But hearing everything about the deaths and the rising injury toll was so unsettling and upsetting as the day went on. I was eleven when 9/11 happened, and because I was so young and not in New York, it didn’t register to me at the time the full extent of what a horrible event it was. Although this was not nearly the same caliber as 9/11, it hit me so differently, since I’m older now and had to think about the fact that the explosions happened only miles from my home and that people I know could be dangerously affected by them, whether it being physically affected or emotionally, as people I know were bound to know other people who were hurt.

I talk shit about Boston a lot (I’ll be the first to admit it before anyone tries to call me out), mostly because I’ve been around the area for a while and am in the city multiple days a week, so I’m just too used to it and need a change of scenery. But really, I do love Boston. A part of me will forever remain in here. Sure, the people can be loud and obnoxious, but they’re also unique and colorful, no one can deny that. No one at the marathon could have possibly deserved what happened. I complain about people a lot, but I truly believe that. The fact that so many innocent people were attacked while watching something as wholesome as a marathon (it’s really upsetting that this happened at such an innocent event that had no ties to politics or religion, which people are always fighting about. This was seriously such an uncontroversial event, it shows that people just want to see the world be destroyed) still makes me sick to my stomach. But, as Obama has said, Boston is resilient. All of his words about Bostonians are true. Bostonians know how to come to together in times of trouble and work to rise above it all. And for that, I am really thankful, and my heart seriously hurts for everyone who was injured or affected in any possible way by these attacks.

It’s also truly something amazing to see the outpouring of love from people in other countries, where attacks like this are an everyday occurrence. I cannot even begin to fathom how these people get by in their day-to-day lives. It’s really incredible to me, and my heart also goes out to them. I don’t know what is wrong with some people on this Earth, but seeing such demonstrations of love and care from all around shows me that despite how much I might not understand society or why humans can act so terribly to one another, there are amazing people out there still who can take the time to not dwell on their own suffering and offer some encouraging words to those of us who haven’t dealt with such traumatic events so we don’t necessarily know how to handle them. I need to keep such thoughts in the back of my head as time goes on, because it’s nice to be reminded that there is good in the world, despite all of the ugliness that may be around.

Boston strong.

Boston strong.

depression: the musical!

23 Jan

From what I have been taught to believe, sitcoms were created to make the audience laugh. As we can tell from my insane ramblings on “very special episodes”, they teach us to laugh at even the most depressing and disturbing of situations (child molestation? Children possibly found dead in fridges? Please hold while I stitch my sides back together!). But, sometimes sitcoms know how to actually handle a situation and make the audience feel something other than comfort from a show. Brian told me he wanted me to look into some of the saddest episodes of sitcoms, or just shows that we would never naturally watch and get upset about.

After an extensive Google search (and by extensive, I mean I typed “saddest episodes of sitcoms” into the search box and clicked the top answer), I found a list of clips already created of some of the saddest episodes of sitcoms. It’s called, “The 10 Weepiest Situation Comedy Episodes Ever”. Not surprisingly, “Scrubs” made the list three times. For anyone who watches “Scrubs”, like I used to do avidly, this makes sense. The show handles sad episodes all the time; it’s about a hospital for Christ’s sake. And sometimes, at hospitals, shit happens. Fortunately for me, some of the clips of the other episodes listed wouldn’t work anymore, which I was happy about because I really don’t feel like watching “M*A*S*H”. So, I’ll just put the site up and you can click the videos that I’m referring to. You’re welcome for putting no more effort into this post, but rather just copying off of what another list does.

Also, I’m nervous that this post won’t be that funny since I don’t really see humor in most of these scenes. That’s probably a downer. Sorry in advance :\

*SPOILER ALERT: If you watch “How I Met Your Mother” and for some reason haven’t seen the most recent season, there’s a heart wrenching clip on here you might want to avoid.

 http://www.pajiba.com/seriously_random_lists/the-10-weepiest-situation-comedy-episodes-ever.php

Scrubs “My Long Goodbye”: Yeah, so, Laverne is a well-loved nurse at Sacred Heart Hospital where the “Scrubs” crew chills (or works, whatever), and she gets into a car accident and dies. So, that alone is pretty depressing. Girl had sass coming out the ass; she was a real feisty one. RIP Laverne. But, so, everyone is preparing themselves to say goodbye to her, except for Carla, a fellow nurse, who can’t seem to let go and accept what’s happened. That’s also pretty depressing. She hallucinates Laverne with her all day. Also depressing is that Dr. Cox’s daughter is being born on the same day and he is trying to hide that fact because he doesn’t want her birth being associated with Laverne’s death. There are just so many layers of sadness here. It’s like one big emotional onion, continuously being peeled. The clip has the comic relief of Elliot telling that weird and stupid story about her friend in school that annoys me because Elliot annoys me, but also J.D., who is desperately wanting to be Dr. Cox’s daughter’s god-father, but it is all intricately woven together with the sad moments. “Scrubs” has an insane talent for that. So, the most depressing aspect of this clip is clearly the passing of Laverne, but I’d also like to argue that there is another depressing aspect at the end of the clip. The doctors go out for a beer and toast to Laverne, communally grieving and commemorating her, but J.D. and Jordan are left in her hospital room, waiting for people to arrive to meet the new baby. Is this sad to anyone else? I’m not even talking about how no one is visiting Jordan and her baby, but I mean how J.D. is not out with the rest of the doctors drinking to Laverne. If I were J.D., I know my feelings would be hurt. Crushed, really. I’d be crying when I found out they all drank together without me. And not only because I like drinking and being included in everything that my friends and acquaintances do, but because that was a really touching moment that they will all remember and J.D. didn’t get to be a part of it. I don’t know, I just think that makes the situation even sadder. I’m getting worked up thinking about it.

The Office “Jim and Pam’s Wedding”: I think that Jim and Pam’s wedding is really cute, but I don’t know if I would necessarily call it “weepy”. I’m looking for tears of sadness, website I found through a Google search, not tears of “awww that’s so cute. Michael Scott is funny; everyone almost messed up the wedding! Good thing Jim and Pam were smarter and knew ahead of time to make sure this didn’t happen. Awww, Jim and Pam are so cute”.

Futurama “Jurassic Bark”: K, so I used to watch “Futurama” when it was on back in the 90’s or whatever decade it was, then stopped because I just stopped caring, I guess. Whatever, I was over it and I don’t regret what happened. So, I have no idea what this episode was actually about. I’m assuming that Fry’s dog has been found fossilized. That seems to be fairly obvious. But whatever, this clip is actually so upsetting. I’m not someone who “cares” about “animals”. There was no need for the quotation marks around “animals”, I just thought it made me sound more dramatic. As my mother said earlier today, “I don’t like things that are alive and not human”. Wise words, mom. Wise words. But, this is just sad. Fry says he wonders how the dog became fossilized, so there is a flashback to 2000, when Fry was transported to the year 3000. The dog just sits there for what seems like years judging from that dude who works in the pizza shop’s changing appearance. Like, how depressing is that? The dog just sits. And waits. And the man brings him pizza but the dog doesn’t eat it. I don’t understand how the dog could have survived for years if it didn’t eat, but um, also, it hangs out in snow, so I’m genuinely confused as to how the dog lived as long as it did. And the dog’s face at the end. That is the face of sadness. Angels lose their wings when they see the face of that dog. Also, the music playing. I’m a sucker for music of the past (and by “past”, I don’t mean the 90’s when we were all into boy bands and now it’s wicked cool to be into them again). The music playing in this scene just gives it a different feel than if the dog was sitting there in silence or something. It makes it nostalgic and you know what’s going to happen to the animal. Damn, that was actually really upsetting. Come on, Matt Groening. That was dark.

Scrubs “My Lunch”: All right, so this episode is about J.D. finally receiving love and friendship from Dr. Cox after one of his patients dies or something and it seems like all is good. There’s this wicked annoying patient on it that was on the show during one of the first seasons and she’s back. She dies and there are three patients waiting on organs, so they finally have their donor. Also, Dr. Cox is a good friend with one of the patients, so he is very pleased. I bet you’ve all figured out exactly where this is going now, huh? Well, you’re all correct. That organ donor has rabies and they didn’t find out until after all three other patients had been given her organs. You all guessed that, right? I’m just going to assume so. You’re all so smart. Yeah, so all three patients die and Dr. Cox just gets real mad and forgets all of the words of advice he gave to J.D. earlier about his patient dying. This actually isn’t that sad. They could have picked a much better clip if need be that this website had a three “Scrubs” episodes quota to reach. Like there’s one where this lovable old lady who has been in the hospital for a while is finally being released, and then this screw up intern gets her sick again and she doesn’t realize it and “Fix You” by Coldplay is saying so it’s all just so upsetting. But whatever, this website. You do you, I’ma do me. Dipset.

How I Met Your Mother “Bad News”: So, this website only has a picture of this episode for some reason, so I’ll include a 13 second YouTube clip because I can’t find a longer one that makes sense or is in English. Essentially, Marshall and Lily are getting nervous because they’re having trouble getting pregnant. They’re both tested and Marshall is extremely nervous because he’s afraid it’s him that’s the problem. Throughout the episode, they show flashbacks and continuous clips of Marshall calling his father for advice and to give him good news. His father always answers and is sitting in his same garage working on something. So, Marshall gets the good news that he isn’t baron or something and he calls his dad and his dad doesn’t answer the phone and the scene shows the garage, but Marshall’s father isn’t there. Marshall’s wicked excited though so he ignores this as being weird. He runs out to talk to Lily and she tells him that his father passed away. This is really depressing and upsetting because as opposed to other shows, like “Scrubs”, which doesn’t have a laugh track/live audience, “How I Met Your Mother” does, so it’s always extremely unsettling to me when shows with laugh tracks have no one laughing. If there’s a real audience there, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable all of them felt. I’m assuming it wasn’t a real audience, I feel like an ass for even suggesting there could have been. But yet, that’s always so off to me. Also, “How I Met Your Mother” gets laughs constantly, so it’s even more disturbing that it’s just Jason Segel being sad. Also, it’s Jason Segel. JASON SEGEL SHOULD ONLY BE SAD AND CRYING TO BE HUMOROUS LIKE HE DID IN “FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL” WHEN HE HAS SEX WITH THAT WOMAN AND THEN CRIES. I’m sorry, I got worked up. I just love Jason Segel and never want to see him sad. Seriously though, this episode almost made me cry the first time I watched it. It’s just so unnatural with the rest of the show.

The Wonder Years “Independence Day”: Damn, this was the final episode of “The Wonder Years”. My God, do I love that show. That’s a damn good show, right there. A damn good show. So coming of age. So many noogies. So many girls wearing three pigtails (there was actually only one). So, I forget what happens this entire episode. If you asked me to name what happened in this episode from memory before I watched this clip of the last four minutes, I’d say that I remembered one thing happening, but really, so much occurs. So, apparently Kevin Arnold hasn’t been home in a long time and apparently neither has Winnie Cooper. But they’re back for the fourth of July for some reason unknown to me. Paul’s still weird looking as fuck, so he has that going for him. Good thing him and Kev stay in touch later, huh? And apparently Kevin wasn’t speaking to his family at this point. Also, his rebellious hippy sister is pretty pregnant which he didn’t know about so how fucking long has Kevin been gone? What’s going on here? I could easily look it up, but I’d rather be confused. All right, so Kevin tells the audience what happens to everyone later in life because the show is ending. Damn, I’ve been watching “Boy Meets World” pretty much daily these past few weeks and those Savage brothers really look a lot alike which I never thought when I was younger. Also, can I say, Fred Savage, hubba hubba. You know what I mean? Kid’s a real cutie. Anyway, so his sister, mother, and brother apparently just go on to live the lives that you’d expect of them. I guess. I don’t even know anymore. But here’s the killer: Kevin says that his weird looking brother took over the family business in two years…when their father dies. Like okay. Right there. That alone, that statement alone is going to make me cry. Obviously he has to die at some point, but two years? That’s it? That’s so unbearably depressing to me. Especially since Kevin says that they mended their relationship. Obviously that’s really good, but they only get two more years together. All of the kids are still relatively young then. And their poor mother. That right there all kills me. And you just weren’t expecting him to say it. Pretty sneaky, Kevin Arnold. So, that was the only thing I remembered about how the episode ends. I kind of just assumed that Winnie and Kevin stay together, but then he drops that other bombshell that he greeted Winnie when she came back from Paris…with his wife and kids! Kevin! What is this shit?! I understand that “The Wonder Years” was different from other family shows at the time in that it displayed more realistic depictions of family life and real life and blah blah blah , and I get that Winnie and Kevin staying together, especially during that time period and after she’d been in Paris for 8 years, is cliché and unrealistic, but I don’t give a shit. I’m the number one person who hates when things are cliché and expected, but I don’t care. Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper belong together. This was just depressing on so many levels. I don’t believe in love anymore.

Scrubs “My Screw Up”: When Brian first brought up the idea about writing on really sad episodes of sitcoms, this was actually the first episode of a television show that came to mind. I cried when I first saw this episode. And I cried when I watched it again. “Scrubs”: triple threat. Killin it. So, Brendan Fraser plays Dr. Cox’s wife/exwife/wife’s brother who he is best friends with. In either the first or second season, he’s introduced and they find out that he has cancer. I think Leukemia. So, that in itself was depressing. But, then they brought him back in the third season and he chilled with Dr. Cox the entire episode, being fun and charming and making us laugh the entire way. Until this clip. Dr. Cox talks about his son’s birthday party during the episode and he apparently thinks that’s where he is, even though I think it’s kind of clear from the background and his outfit that he’s not going to a child’s birthday party. Then Brendan Fraser says something ominous and weird that Dr. Cox doesn’t understand and it’s revealed: Brendan Fraser has died. I don’t remember the full episode well enough to know if there was a time earlier in it that we might pick up that he’s died, but from what I recall from my initial reaction seeing it for the first time, we’re completely blindsided by the death. As far as I remember, we have no idea that he’s going to be dead, perhaps he’s even been dead the whole time. Who knows? We were tricked. Pretty rude. But anyway, this is sad. This is real sad. It’s always sad when Dr. Cox gets sad and shows emotion since he’s such a sassy beast in every other episode. Also, again, the music is so perfectly placed here. That Zach Braff, he knows his music selection. This episode will always succeed in getting me teary eyed. And that is a job well done, “Scrubs”.

So, I guess those are some sad episodes of shows, as according to this website. I agree with them. It’s kind of weird looking at more recent shows, as opposed to shows that were absolutely terrible in the 80’s and 90’s and no one realized. Maybe we’ll look back in 20 years at these shows and realize they’re terrible, but who has time for that now? No one. Literally no one. Because we can’t fast forward and see what’s going on then. I miss my older shows. They’re so much easier to make fun of and not feel bad about making fun of them. Although, I have no feelings, so I don’t really know how my emotions would function. It’s anyone’s guess, really. If anyone finds out or has a guess to venture, I’m willing to listen. And then I’m willing to ignore you.