It’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve written in here. I wish I could say it’s for good reason, but in reality, it’s out of laziness. Sorry bout that, but there’s not much else I can do. But lest you think me some lazy cow, I should explain it’s because I work a 9-5 job now, which I had never done before, especially not when I began writing in this blog, and I didn’t understand what kind of a toll working those hours and then going to the gym would take on my tiredness. When I finally get home after a long day, all I want to do is eat dinner and pass out in front of the tv. I like to think I’m my mom now. If I was actually her, I’d be a much better person, but I’m not. I’m still fundamentally me, still cynical and an asshole, but I’ve come to terms with myself and accept it. Moving to New York has possibly made me less cynical since I’m not rotting away in the abyss that was my bedroom in Massachusetts, but being around more people for such a long period of time during the day hasn’t helped me like people more. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.
But I want to make a point to write in here more. I’ve found that since starting my grown up job, I’ve been in need so much more of having a creative outlet. My life has become so routine and monotonous, it’s actually kind of bleak. I moved to New York to flex my creative muscles and do something with my writing, but I fell behind on that. Even the women’s blog I started writing for in June took a MAJOR and regretful backseat once I started my full time position. But I’m trying to make up for that and post when I can with whatever insightful dribble I can come up with. Look at me, using the word “dribble”. How droll of me. So pretentious and English now. But yeah, I really need to write. I have too much pent up EVERYTHING in my system. I need a way to let that out and write creatively and get my juices flowing.
So this is it. This is where I must be creative and just say whatever I want to say whenever I want to say it. I hate posts like this but I felt this would be a good way to get myself back into this. I wish I was less lazy and more motivated to actually keep up with my goals. Something in me wasn’t wired that way. I’m a robot, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times more. Robot Alaina. That’s me. Always and forever. Signing out.
Oh also, it’s about one degree outside, so fingers crossed, if all things go well, this will be me by the end of the week:
Live long and prosper. Always remember me.
PS, don’t worry, I’m still insane. In case you thought a 9-5 grown up job would straighten out my mental instability, fear not. Still completely out of it.
Now stop bothering me, I’m continuing on my one-woman “Six Feet Under” marathon for the weekend. You’re disturbing me in my time of need.