Tag Archives: blogging

the blower’s daughter (only because I just got that stuck in my head)

21 Jan

I’m getting the itch to write something, anything really, but I can’t think of what. So I’m going to leave this picture because I’m at my house and it’s January and freezing cold out and this is always my mental and physical state during times like these.

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Old faithful.

Stay tuned? (Hopefully) I’ll be back with some words of wisdom. Or I’ll have frozen to death. Either one is an option.

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love means never having to say you’re sorry

23 Mar

Since I’m bored and feel the need to procrastinate before doing anything (the case today is that I know I need to work out, but I just discovered that a “Real World” marathon of the first season of Las Vegas is on, and that’s the first season I ever watched so I HAVE to watch it again now), I’ve decided to read through my old posts on this blog. I want to send out a formal and sincere apology to anyone who actually reads this and has read my older posts through my newer ones. I apologize because reading these old posts, I see that I was much better at writing about a month ago and also had much more personality while writing. Not sure what’s happened to me in the past month or so, but my last four posts were pretty poorly written and poorly researched, and I was kind of just rambling, which is what I always do, but I was not nearly as endearing while rambling as I usually am (I guess that’s what happens when you sloppily write four posts on completely different subjects in less than an hour). I think that it’s because all I am passionate about right now is drag queens and “RuPaul’s Drag Race”, but I know there’s only a limited amount of posts I can write on the subject before people start to ignore me entirely. Sad, but I feel that’s true.

So this is my cassette I’m sending out, I hope you hear it. Wait, sorry, just thought I was Stan in the Eminem smash hit “Stan” for a second. But seriously, sorry for the lackluster writing on my part. Guess I’m lucky that no one reads this poor excuse for a blog, otherwise I’d have some pretty pissed off followers on my hand.

I solemnly promise to try to get out of the funk I’ve been in so I can return to the self-depricating but so wonderfully adorable blogger I once was. Take this as a token of my sincerity:

Now you KNOW I mean business.

Now you KNOW I mean business.

my brain’s cawk blawking me

26 Feb

You’d think that as someone who doesn’t shut up and constantly wants attention that I would have more to post on this blog. I unfortunately find myself with extreme writer’s block, however. I have so many topics and thoughts floating around in my head, but can’t sit still for a moment long enough to actually put down a cohesive piece about any of them, or I can’t think of enough to write about a single subject.

I think I’m in a bit of a funk in several aspects of my life, so I’m hoping that as a little bit of time passes and I can get settled back into old routines and feeling like myself a little bit more, I will be able to get some words to form sentences so I can post more in here. Just writing this honestly makes me feel a little bit better; it’s kind of therapeutic. A nice release, despite there being no point to what I’m saying right now.

It would be nice if I could just wake up tomorrow and have a ton of really insightful thoughts on a specific subject that I could elaborate on for this blog. All ten fingers and eleven toes* crossed that I can get past this writer’s block and think of some narsty shit to write for allayallz.

For now, enjoy these pics of Quvenzhan√© Wallis fist pumping at the Oscars. I haven’t seen “Beasts of the Southern Wild”, but I absolutely plan to after witnessing how incredible she is throughout this entire award season.

I aspire to become her.

I aspire to become her.

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*I don’t have eleven toes. Sorry for lying to you all.

perez hilton, i wish i knew how to quit you

11 Feb

The website perezhilton.com¬†apparently started in 2005, when I was fifteen years old. I never read the website when I was in high school, but I had known about it, honestly mostly because Kathy Griffin had a problem with Perez and met up with him on her show “My Life on the D-List” in order to confront him about rude things he had written about her on the site. All I knew about it from that snip-it on the show was that Perez wrote celebrity gossip, but was a dick about it. I was too busy hating everything and having a middle part at the time to care about checking out what Perez was really all about.

I didn’t start actually reading it until I got to college. By freshman year, I still hated everything (and still do to this day, bless my little soul), but I hadn’t had my middle part for a good three and a half years, so it was time for me to check out the site since I was looking for new ways to procrastinate. I really did enjoy perezhilton.com when I first started reading it. Perez was actually pretty entertaining and I loved the celebrity gossip I was getting. He was kind of a bully and a bitch, but I mostly agreed with what he was saying, so I was glad there was a place I could turn to that could fill my need to read extremely judgmental and unapologetic blogging.

However, somewhere around this time, Perez decided that he was done being a bully. From what I remember, this was because he is gay and teen suicide due to gay bashing and bullying unfortunately became extremely popular, and Perez realized that he was part of the problem, since he bullied celebs by writing about which celebrities needed to come out of the closet and referring to “celebrities” by rude nicknames, such as when he called Rachel Zoe “raisin face” and Rumer Willis “potato head Willis”. Perez was ready to turn over a new leaf, and I decided to join him for the ride, only because I still was genuinely interested in reading whatever celeb gossip he had to shell out my way.

Guys, I don’t want to sound like a dick, but I have to say it: I prefer Perez as a bully. I don’t know who the fuck he’s trying to fool now, but I hate everything about his website. There is literally too much wrong with it for me to even try to start listing. But, I will obviously write out some examples for you zero readers here, I am first and foremost a journalist (no I’m not). So here we go.

Perez thinks that he is close and personal friends with like half of the celebrities he talks about. Now, I don’t actually know Perez in real life (thank God), but I’ll have to assume that this is not true. He used to make a living (I don’t know if he actually made a living doing this, but I don’t care to look it up either) insulting 3/4 of Hollywood, so why would they want to be friends with him? The only way to keep people as your friends when you talk shit about them constantly is to do it behind their back, which Perez clearly wasn’t doing. I should know since that’s how I keep all of my friendships going. But seriously, the way he writes about celebrities, you’d think that they’re all sucking his dick on a constant basis, since he has nothing but love to send out for all of them. Well, celebrities aside from Lindsay Lohan, but really, there’s no defending Lindsay Lohan. Except that Perez tries to act like he wants her comeback to actually happen, which I think is bullshit. I think everyone loves her train wreck of a life the way it is. I think she is purely existent at this point as a beacon of hope for everyone else in the world that although life may seem bad, it will never be as bad as Lindsay Lohan’s life. Also, he acknowledges that Chris Brown is an extremely shitty person (quite possibly the shittiest person to ever exist), but he continues to write about him in articles that focus on his music or his career. Like, let’s never discuss Christ Brown unless we’re discussing what a genuinely disgusting excuse for a human being he is, rather than further perpetuating his career. I don’t even understand why he still has a career. I hate everyone who thinks he is talented. He isn’t. There will always be someone who is more talented and better at whatever it is he does than Chris Brown.

We all know my hatred for Taylor Swift, and Perez talks about her as if she’s a goddess and everything posted online about her is written by mean bullies who want to make her feel bad. Like, actually probably not, the people writing about her personal life are doing exactly what you do now still, but used to do better. They’re telling it like it is. No one but Perez seems to be making excuses for Taylor’s boy-crazy antics, and I hate it. He’s further perpetuating that she’s the virginal role model that we all need in our lives, when she’s really just slut-shaming on all women who aren’t her through her lyrics. I’m sick of her and I’m sick of Perez blowing more smoke up her ass when what she really needs is to go away and take a nap for about ten years.

I honestly think that I hate Taylor Swift and so many other celebrities so much more than I should because Perez posts about 17 articles an hour about all of them, giving all of the details of everything he has just learned about them in the last twenty minutes. I don’t need that many articles about whether Taylor dumped Harry Styles or he dumped her. Just tell me they broke up and that she’s a completely miserable mess now and I can carry on, thanks.

But sorry, my apologies, this isn’t supposed to be about my disdain for Taylor Swift, this is supposed to be about my disdain for Perez Hilton. A huge issue I have with Perez is his website in general. At this point, Perez does not do all of his own blogging, and I actually don’t even know if he does any of it anymore. He clearly has a team of people who work for him, as they always refer to him as “we” instead of “I” in articles. It’s extremely annoying and I hate it, but this brings me to my point: This is one of the worst edited websites I have ever seen in my life. I don’t think anyone who works for him knows how to spell, and I also do not think that they know proper grammar. I kind of think that no one who works for the website has a basic knowledge of the English language. I was an English major so I’m a nerd about editing. But you would think that at this point in the game, Perez would hire someone who could spell words correctly and would know when to properly insert a comma into sentences. Also, along with the editing, the articles themselves are written in the most obnoxious ways possible. Perez and his team clearly think that he is really alternative and fabulous, but really, I would have to assume he’s not. They always write things like “on Taylor Swift’s AH-MAY-ZING new album” and “ch-ch-ch-check out this HIGHlarious clip!” Like, shut up. How about I don’t? How about you stop writing like that? It’s bothersome.

Along with this obnoxious brand of blogging, the website also puts literally any piece of information out there for people to read as fact. According to Perez, no two celebrities can hang out without being an item. Miley Cyrus, who has been engaged to Liam Hemsworth for some time now, was recently spotted in a car with Ed Westwick. SOUND THE ALARM, that must mean she’s fucking him! Miley herself sent out a series of tweets to Perez letting him know how irresponsible and insulting it is to her and her relationship that he do this. I was so extremely happy that she did this because I get pissed whenever I read any of his headlines about two celebs spotted hanging out. Clearly, they can’t be just friends. Also according to Perez, a celebrity who is in a relationship can’t spend any time alone, otherwise they must be miserable and really sad. Like, really? Someone can’t just go grab lunch by themselves? They have to miss their boyfriend? It’s extremely frustrating to read article after article of this shit.

Another thing that pisses me off about the website is that Perez has decided to not be a bully, yet he’ll be the first person to point out when a celebrity looks like shit, or if it looks like they had work done, or if it looks like they’re pregnant. Like, if they didn’t have work done and they’re not pregnant, you do realize that that is insulting, right Perez? As someone who has never been pregnant but once had a child ask if I was with child because I was wearing an unflattering top, I know how unhappy one can feel after hearing such an accusation. So, Perez, how about instead of just saying that people shouldn’t bully and everyone is beautiful, you stop being an secret dick and just practice what you preach? Also, he recently posted an article about it looking like Miley Cyrus cuts herself. What bothers me is that Perez acts like it’s okay to just throw out accusations like this, not realizing how it will affect the person he writes about. Maybe Miley used to have a problem, but how about we don’t address it if she doesn’t because it’s none of our business? No one is allowed to have any secrets, I guess.

This all just makes me think about how a few years ago, Perez called Will.I.Am a “faggot” because he was mad at him and “wanted to call him the most insulting thing I could think to call him”. So, apparently because Perez is gay, and he knows how horrible it can feel to be called such a word, he has the right or something to use that word to bring down someone else. It just made no sense. Now whenever anyone drops that gay-hating slur, Perez is first to jump on their back. But in that moment, he was fine with doing so, since he knows how negative the term is and how insulting it would be. His hypocrisy overwhelms me.

I’ve been wanting to write this article for a while, but what really got me going on it was an article I read yesterday that Perez posted about Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Apparently, she was caught with her step-brother or foster brother, or whoever he is (I don’t know, but they were engaged at some point, so no matter what, their relationship is weird) smoking a blunt outside, out in the open. While I find it extraordinarily stupid to smoke out in broad daylight, it’s not my business and I do not give a shit if someone is going to smoke weed. Go for it, why should I care? Perez, however, acts as if marijuana is the worst thing to ever happen to the world. In the article, Perez writes “We can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through right now, but it’s still very sad to see her resorting to this kind of behavior”. Like, excuse me? People smoke weed for tons of reasons, and it’s probably one of the safer routes they can go down. Perez acknowledges this but also assumes that weed is going to lead her to substance abuse because other family members have had substance abuse problems. Yeah, they have, but weed isn’t automatically the gateway to that, whatever anyone says. I’d rather her smoke weed than shoot up heroin. Would you Perez? I feel like Perez would rather her snorting coke and shooting up and then going out and murdering someone, than smoking weed. That is the way he presents marijuana on his website. He lets us know whenever any celebrity is smoking, and as I said, I do not give a shit. Justin Bieber, you want to smoke? Go ahead. Rihanna, keep it up. I don’t fucking care. Please stop reporting it as news.

Also, perezhilton.com posts a lot of links about how amazing Perez is and when he’s on talk shows or working out at the gym. Again, I will say it, I don’t fucking care. No one cares. I go to the website to learn celebrity gossip, not to learn what asinine thing Perez is doing, or to read misleading article headlines that have nothing to do with the content of the article, and not to take everything you say as fact, despite the fact that it’s actually essentially all speculation. You are not God and you are not above anyone else, Perez. Please, stop acting like you are, and go back to being the bitch we once knew and loved.

It’s interesting that I now realize that Perez was bitchier when he was heavier, and then once he lost weight, he decided to “better” himself. I hate when people do shit like that. I lost weight and I stayed a bitch. Just live your life and stay true to yourself, buddy. You’re not fooling anyone.