friends forever, but ditch the dweeb

21 Mar

I was recently looking at a list of characters on tv shows that “we all secretly wished would get together” (I can’t find the link for it, so I apologize to the zero people reading this, and you can feel free to sue me). While I agreed with many of the selections, one pairing stood out to me that made me sick. That pairing was Screech Powers and Lisa Turtle from “Saved by the Bell”. Seeing this pair put on that list made me sad and also allowed me to lose what little bit of faith I had in this world.

Lisa hates EVERYTHING about the idea of her and Screech as a couple. EVERYTHING.

Lisa hates EVERYTHING about the idea of her and Screech as a couple. EVERYTHING.

I think one of my least favorite characters to ever be created is Screech from “Saved By the Bell”. I just find that he never adds anything but annoyance to a situation, and his character is perpetually stupid and unbelievable. Obviously, “Saved By the Bell” wasn’t wasting any time trying to be realistic, but I don’t care. No one would ever hang out with Screech, and DEFINITELY not the crew on the show. Those kids were cool, they were athletes and models and had a band. Those kids would never in a million years give Screech the time a day. And even if they did at the beginning because Screech was friends with Zack when he was younger, they would very quickly grow out of being his friend and start ignoring his annoying ass. They probably spent more time being pissed off at Screech about some stupid shit he did than they spent actually enjoying his company. What was there to enjoy? He sounded and looked stupid and always found a way to mess literally everything up (don’t care if I’m using “literally” in a hyperbolic sense here, it’s almost a true statement).

Oh my god I want to cause him bodily harm.

Oh my god I want to cause him bodily harm.

What demon created you?

What demon created you?

Seriously, he does not belong with this group of hotties. That random old guy makes more sense hanging out with them than Screech does.

Seriously, he does not belong with this group of hotties. That random old guy makes more sense hanging out with them than Screech does.

Now, let’s talk about Lisa Turtle. Lisa was entirely underappreciated on the show. She was on a list of annoying characters on some website I was looking at (can’t find that link either, you can all suck it), and I don’t understand how she made the list but Screech didn’t. Lisa was a fashionista, she was cute, and she always had all the hot gossip. However, this girl did not get her dues. She was always paired off with Screech, despite her disdain for him. She always got the shaft, while Kelly and Jessie were off hooking up with Zack and Slater. I don’t understand why. Obviously, Kelly was a babe and Jessie had that glamazon thing going on despite her horrible wardrobe, but Lisa was a total package and none of these guys ever realized it. I just felt bad for her.

Girl knows how to look GOOD.

Girl knows how to look GOOD.

I guess Jessie needed more attention from guys because she had that crippling caffeine pill addiction that one time.

I guess Jessie needed more attention from guys because she had that crippling caffeine pill addiction that one time.

There was one episode in like the last season where Lisa and Zack make out, but that romance fades before it even begins, and it’s just unfair. The two of them totally should have gotten together for real. She deserved it. Zack was a fox and she was a high-class woman. Lisa Turtle didn’t need to be thrown to the side at every turn and be stuck going as Screech’s date to the movies or to the dance. You can tell that Lisa more than anyone didn’t even want to be Screech’s friend, and I think she should have gotten her way and just stopped hanging out with him. It was almost forceful the way she had to hang out with him, she didn’t even pretend to enjoy his company. And I love that about Lisa. A girl after my own heart.

The good ol' day. Singular. One day.

The good ol’ day. Singular. One day.

More than I love Lisa Turtle, I just really hate Screech. I don’t watch the show as often as I once did (I was watching for two hours every day like two months ago), but I will never lose my hatred for Screech. He was probably genuinely funny one time on the entirety of the show. There was an episode of “Saved By the Bell: The College Years” (I’ve seen every episode multiple times for some reason), in which he steals a girl away from Zack. Excuse me? We’re supposed to believe that would happen? Not only is Zack foxy as shit AND a smooth motherfucker, but Screech is awkward and consistently obnoxious. WHO WOULD WANT THAT IN THEIR LIFE?  Not me, that’s for damn sure. There was an episode of the original show where Kelly thought she had feelings for Screech, and that really just embarrassed me more than anything. Poor girl, all mixed up. So embarrassing. Thankfully she came to her right mind and obviously ends up with Zack, but that was a really terrifying lapse in judgment for that one episode. There’s almost no coming back from that.

I don't think it's even possible to compare these two, they're essentially different species.

I don’t think it’s even possible to compare these two, they’re essentially different species.

Ultimately, Lisa should have gotten shown more respect by the writers and by her friends and Screech should have been kept at a far distance from her (and everyone, really) at all times. Preferably underground. What I’m saying is Screech should have been killed off. That would have solved everyone’s problem. Or mostly mine, but really, I’m selfish and I should get what I want, no questions asked. I really don’t think the show would have changed in any possible way if Screech was no longer there, except maybe we’d have less episodes with entirely asinine storylines devoted to him. The world would really be a better place today if that could have just happened.

A little bit tighter there, Zack...

A little bit tighter there, Zack…

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One Response to “friends forever, but ditch the dweeb”

  1. Love Kelly K. July 12, 2014 at 3:03 pm #

    Kelly seemed like she knew that a lot of guys were potentially getting really horny for her. Sometimes, I tried to figure out if she had sexual feeling of her own, and just as an experiment, I tried to imagine Kelly masturbating.

    Surprisingly, it went really well, and I was quite excited by the “realness” of my fantasy.

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