nemo, you’re a crafty sonovabitch

8 Feb

As an underemployed 22 year old, I am used to my fair share of days doing absolutely nothing and accepting it and even enjoying it. However, today is just unbearable. I have not even been awake for six hours yet and I am just dead bored. I cannot find anything that I want to do (that I am able to do with my limited resources) that seems appealing or even slightly interesting. I never feel like this on the weekend or when I get a day off in the middle of the week, but something about the fact that there’s a blizzard outside stopping me from even taking my car and leaving my home (Deval Patrick declared that anyone caught driving after 4pm would be fined. And I have no sled dogs or sled, so I’m stuck unless I walk somewhere. But where would I even walk? Nothing is open, I’d assume) is really just making today unbearable for me. Also, side note, how fucked is it that I’m actually upset that I can’t drive my car? Usually I beg for days when I don’t have to get out on the road and put myself and millions of others in danger of my driving.

There’s a mixture of that and the fact that my parents are both also home today, and it’s not a weekend, and like a little kid, this still feels wrong to me. If  it is a weekday and my parents are home but not working from home, they should not be here. They should be at their jobs. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it feels like I have less options to just be in my house. Which is strange considering whenever I do have the day off and they’re not here, I stay confined to my room anyway. I think that it’s because on top of knowing they’re downstairs, they also insist on interacting with me anytime I go down there. By “interacting” I don’t mean having a conversation with me, I’m referring to my mother telling me that I look grumpy and my father asking me why I’m bored. If someone looks grumpy, why would you want to point that out to them and enrage them more? Wouldn’t you want to just leave them alone for their sanity and your physical well-being? I guess I’m an emotional infant, but I just still can’t process being confined to my house during the week if my parents are here.

I have so many things that I could be doing. I could be working out, cleaning my room, looking into jobs, etc, etc. However, I feel no need to do anything, and I think that’s because I feel no sense of urgency, since I have nowhere to go for the rest of the day and I can do any of these things at any time. I dislike that. Usually I get my workouts in because I cram them in between waking up and going to whatever job I’m working that day. However, today my plans are to sit in my room in my pajamas (another thing, I can’t even walk around in my underwear because my whole family is here. I’m calling bullshit on that, universe) while watching tv and complaining on Twitter and Facebook, eating, and then doing more of the former, mixed with more of the latter. It’s just strange how I guess I need the feeling of “it needs to get done now or it won’t get done at all and you’ll be mad at yourself” to get me motivated to do anything. That’s just one of the many problems with being a chronic procrastinator. Everything has to be done last minute, or it won’t get done. I need the pressure to do it, or I’ll just wither away into nothingness.

Ideally, I would love to be sitting around with some friends, watching “RuPaul’s Drag Race” (duh), and drinking wine. Also, ideally I’d be in my own apartment and not locked away (by choice) in my bedroom at my parents’ house, ignoring my family. However, these are not my circumstances. My friends are tucked away in their homes, there are no marathons of “Drag Race” on Logo today for whatever fucked up reason, nor are there any full seasons of it on demand, and I didn’t stock up on wine because I was extremely ill prepared for this blizzard. Also, my parents judge me pretty much whenever I drink, so I’m sure I would get a severe judgmental look from both of them if I were to take a bottle of wine up to my room alone. That’s what I get for leading them to believe I’m a troubled alcoholic. I really made a mistake five years ago when I let them believe what they wanted to about that. Mostly though, I’m angry about the fact that I can’t just sit around in my underwear.

So, to sum things up, long story short…

This is me.

This is me. Always and forever. But especially during Nemo.

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One Response to “nemo, you’re a crafty sonovabitch”

  1. hownottokillyourparents February 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

    Just remember: eventually, snow melts. 🙂

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