nemo has come, nemo has risen, nemo will come again

8 Feb

Since there’s a snow storm occurring outside (named “Nemo” for reasons unknown to me. I assume it’s after the fish, but that makes it more confusing, so instead I’ll pretend it was named after my friend Emily’s cat Nemo, who is the HBIC at her house) and my work canceled for later, this would really seem like an awesome opportunity to get some great blogging time in. Alas, I have nothing to write about. I think it’s because it’s only 12:17 and I’ve only been awake a little over an hour, so I’m not stir-crazy enough yet to write anything. But, maybe I’ll keep you posted as the day/weekend goes on, depending on how snow-bound I am inside of my house. I’m hoping that this weekend plays out like “The Shining” and one of my family members decides to kill all of the rest of my family members and we play in a giant maze together. Oh, sorry, they weren’t playing in that maze in the end? They were running away from an axe murderer? Well, that could be fun, too. Hopefully it’s me who goes insane, I’m already more than halfway there and I would love to freeze to death like Jack Nicholson (SORRY FOR THE SPOILER), I heard that freezing to the death is the most peaceful way to go. Or it’s the worst way to go. I need to do some research.*

Maybe I’ll just write about “The Shining” for a little bit because that movie is sickening (I’m using “sickening” in the drag queen slang sense here, meaning amazing [amyahzing] and excessively hot). Shelley Duvall might be one of the most unfortunate looking women I’ve ever seen, I’d probably want to kill her if I was stuck in a house with her, too. That sounds cruel, let me rephrase that. I wouldn’t want to kill her because she’s ugly, I’d want to kill her because she’s annoying as fuck. Like have you heard her voice? You should probably listen to it. That’s enough to drive any man to drink, and then, yes, eventually to murder. Five G’s: Good God. Get a grip, girl.

Shhhhh

Shhhhh…just be quiet, Shelley. For everyone’s sake.

I think everyone’s favorite part of “The Shining” is when that guy is getting a BJ from that man in a bear suit. That literally could not make less sense, but it’s one of the top scenes I think everyone remembers. Also, that’s when Dick is murdered (SORRY FOR THE SPOILER AGAIN) and that’s just sad because he’s the one person willing to help this family and he also just drove a really long time in the snow, which I know from firsthand experience is no fun. Driving is the worst, but driving in the snow?! That’s really the pits. Poor guy made it all the way to the hotel, only to get distracted by a bear giving some guy a BJ and then gets axed in the stomach. Just unfair.

Haaayyyy

Haaayyyy

Another memorable scene is when Jack Nicholson macks that lady in the bathtub, but she turns out to be really old. I will not be putting up a screen cap of that, it is too gross. Not because she is old, but because her skin is like peeling off, and that really grosses me out. Instead, I’ll use this space to say that Danny’s possessed finger is my favorite character in the whole movie. He has the best lines and the best voice. I really think that him and Jack could have had a great friendship if given the chance. They could have done a buddy cop movie, or solved crimes together. Two deranged maniacs, ready to cause havoc in the big city: one’s a man, and one’s a finger, not belonging to that man. I smell a sequel!

Don't go picking any boogers with that there finger, boy

Don’t you go picking any boogers with that there finger, boy.

So there’s just some thoughts about “The Shining”. They were very insightful and analytical. This was in no way a waste of a post or of anyone’s time. God, am I lucky that no one reads this. I’d have to feel bad about wasting people time and I’d owe them back a few minutes of their lives. Instead, I just get to waste my own time and prolong my procrastination time before working out. Really, the only person I’m hurting here is me. And I take full responsibility for that.

In any case, I hope to look like this before the weekend is over.

url-28

Wish me luck!

*That freezing to death line was taken from the new Looney Toons adventures, which I suggest everyone watches because they’re hysterical. Daffy is the true star on that show.

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